Family First

This post a bit more personal than blogging about Denny's or Southwest sales. :)

For the past six months, Rob and I have tried to hold our lives together while balancing our insane schedules. He works very long hours and often stays up until 3 or 4am to get work done. He serves as the EQ President (in charge of the men at our church -- mostly the ones ages 20-40), which zaps a lot of time. He's also been asked to do a few extra jobs at school. Ones that we maybe should have declined, but felt like he didn't have much of a choice. Plus it meant more money. I am serving in the Primary presidency (one of the people that heads our church's children's organization), working at the community center, and last BUT NOT LEAST, being a mother of 3.

The last few months I've been praying to know what I can get rid of in my schedule. Everything seemed immovable. So we've been plodding along until I recently hit a major roadblock - my pelvic pain came back with avengence. I cannot figure out one reason why it would be coming back - I have vague hypotheses, but none that make enough sense. (I'm not pregnant, for those of you who have read this far). So I decided it was time to let something go. One night Rob suggested that I quit my job. I laughed at him and told him we need the money (we pay $80 for rent for a 3bd in Seattle! It's INSANE.). Plus I explained that I love my job. It fills a lot of the "me" needs - the need to be social, the need to be externally validated, and the desire to have a little extra money to spend (like my $110 walking shoes yesterday). But Rob planted a seed that I couldn't get out of my mind. If it hadn't come from my sweet husband, I probably wouldn't have considered it. I stewed over the idea for a few weeks. One day I knelt on my kitchen floor and prayed...I needed an answer...and an answer I got. I knew completely that I needed to quit my job.

Rob and I have a theory we often discuss. We think that on any given day, you only have so much "cream" to give. You can give it to your kids, spouse, neighbors, co-workers, clients, etc. If you don't have a way during the day to refill your "cream" (exercise, date nights, chocolate, etc) -- then you can run out. Even though I'm aware of this idea, I tend to use my cream at work - the place where I interact with adults. I can't exactly be grouchy when they come to talk to me. Plus I really like all these people. But often my cream is used at the expense of my children. I still manage to be a good mom (most days :), but when I'm in pain, my cream supply is cut in half. I can't have pain, do my job, and be a good mom. So I'm wondering if Heavenly Father sent my pain back as a big neon sign telling me to slow down and focus on what's most important. If that's the case, I'm hoping my pain will disappear right after my last day of work. ;)

I am working through the end of March. I know there will be a lot of moms in my complex that will want to apply for my job. It's been a fabulous fit for our family the two years I have done it -- and it's saved us $20,000 of student loans. However, I know what it's like to have too many things on your plate at once. And I for one am ready to slow down. Some things aren't worth the money, including health and the happiness of my family. But I'm going to miss it!