It's time. My pregnancy pain has finally arrived, after 22 beautiful weeks. I thought I was ready for this, but I find myself increasingly nervous and sad. There was a part of me (albeit a small, idealistic part) that thought that since I'd made it this far, maybe my pain would not get too bad. So much of our discouragement in life finds root in unmet expectations, doesn't it?
Let me tell you what I know:
- I know that God loves me
- I know that He wants us to have this child
- I know I can do this, especially with the help of Rob and my kids
- I know there is a huge reward at the end
- I know my trial is minuscule compared to so many
So why do I find myself struggling with the faith and hope that I know I need to face this trial? Might I go so far as to say the faith and hope that I know are somewhere inside of me?
I wish I knew.
This morning I couldn't sleep, so I went to my church's website and searched for "Faith, not Fear." Surprisingly (or not surprisingly), there was a talk published just this month entitled "A Time for Faith, Not Fear" by Elder Larry Gibbons. If you are struggling with any trial, I recommend you read this talk. There was nothing earth shattering in it, but there were some beautiful reminders. Here are a few snippets I liked:
Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness. - Elder Boyd K. Packer
It is hard to build faith in the noonday sun.
When your difficulties seem overwhelming, look up, not down.
I have found that usually when we face our most difficult tests, the Lord is there ahead of us to prepare the way through them...“Remember, the Lord will have been there before you.”
“I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
"...shooting the rapids, though a bit scary, turned out to be the best part of the trip."
When we are uncertain of the path ahead, we fill up our hearts with faith, go forward into the unknown, and stop and pray again and again.
You have the gift of the Holy Ghost, and you have the right to receive revelation every day.
"...let the Lord do some of the heavy lifting.” (Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf)
“My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith." (President Thomas S. Monson)
I'm including this picture Erica took in Oregon. It seems fitting.
I love that article, too, Julie! Especially because I have been going through some chronic pain since Eve's birth almost 2 years ago. We are finally narrowing it down to a nerve that might have been damaged. The sacrifices we make to have children, right? It helps for me to think of all of the things that I still CAN do instead of dwelling on the pain and its consequences. Anyway, you have a beautiful family and you are so blessed that you can add one more! I know it's SO hard to keep positive through pain. I love your list of things that you know. That seems like a great list of things to hang on to! Our family will keep you in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I had the same pelvic problems as you (not as severe) with our 4th. It was so hard at the end. But like you i felt prompted to have another one soon after. As soon as I could after #4 I started working out to get some muscle support for my weak pelvis. And then when things felt right we too took that leap of faith to get pregnant again. I was extremely blessed during pregnancy #5.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome to be doing this. I am praying for you. Good luck getting through it all.
Sorry Julie. Sending you my love. Thanks for the inspiring messages.
ReplyDeleteWhat great thoughts and messages, Julie. You are an amazing woman - I am SO blessed to be your mom. I loved all these thoughts and yes, we all need to be reminded of them. Remember, I'm only a short plane ride away.
ReplyDelete