Too Much Time

You know the old adage "too much to do, so little time"? Most of my life, especially my married life, I've felt pulled in many directions and seldom satisfied with the time I give any one aspect of my life. Rob and I refer to this as feeling "whelmed," not to be overstated as being "overwhelmed." It becomes normal once you've lived it long enough.

We thought we were busy during college when we were dating. We'd spend hours studying at the library together and many of our dates would end at the grocery store. There was late-night cramming, Little Caesars during finals week, and campus jobs. We worked hard, but boy did we play hard. We played piano duets together, walked across BYU often, and loved to talk to each other. We made Valentine's Day scavenger hunts, cooked for each other, played practical jokes (on Rob's roommates), and planned a wedding. Life was good.

We thought we were busy that first year of our marriage, but boy was life simple. Rob worked for IBM from home and I was in my last year at BYU, while working part-time. We spent many happy hours playing games with friends, fulfilling church callings, and going for walks. We'd play badminton, go on double dates, and find favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants. I would often sit on our other computer at home while Rob was working on the machines next to me just to be close to him. Life was good.

We thought we were busy when Erica was born. The smiles and laughter competed with diapers, nursing, laundry, and apartment hunting. We made a goal to finish the Book of Mormon right before she was born, which was a special use of time. We continued our walks and talks with our little one in tow. She changed our lives and they got busier, but in a happy and fulfilling way. We managed apartments, quit managing apartments, and Rob started his MBA. The MBA program was fast-paced and I would often meet Rob on campus with Erica just to say hi. I sat on the MBASA (MBA Spouse Association) board and belonged to two book clubs. Our apartment was spotless. Life was good.

We thought we were busy when Robby was born. Two kids, two parents. MBA program still in full swing along with extra classes PhD applications. I attended weekly playgroups and was primary president in our small student ward. We hung out with my cousin and her husband all the time. We went to my grandparents house for dinner every Monday. Time was dictated by nap and school schedules. Life was good.

We thought we were busy when Rob started his PhD program. School was difficult and time consuming. Finances were limited. Family housing was a saving grace as it provided the friends and social network we needed. Seattle was gorgeous and we had such a great time going on walks along the water. We explored the city, ate ethnic food, and spent holidays with my aunt's family. We had passes to the zoo, the children's museum, and the science center. I worked off and on for our family housing complex, running social programs for kids. We fulfilled leadership roles at church. Our kids started preschool. We ate too much McDonalds. Life was good.

We thought we were busy when Jacob was born. Three kids, outnumbered parents. A difficult pregnancy, colicky baby, job applications, flying to interviews, and a mom not healing fast enough. Rob took on some extra classes to teach. I created the elementary school yearbook. We visited wading pools and dog parks in the summer, stayed out of the rain in the winter. We grew closer through trials and God led us to the job we now have. Life was good.

We thought we were busy when we moved to Utah. Real life begins with that first job, right? A paycheck leads to more responsibility, which zaps more time. A house to take care of, a mini-van to pay off, insurance decisions - all while living the usual life. Rob with his new job, kids in school, large church responsibilities...not to mention soccer season, homework, karate, and piano practicing. I started a book club, created the school newsletter, and began teaching piano. Cousins moved a few blocks away, adding immensely to our lives. Life was good.

I used to refer lovingly to the earlier times in our lives as "the days we thought we were busy." I mean, who has time for TWO book clubs?!

Simplicity is what I craved. It's what we all crave, right?

I am now faced with a new challenge. Instead of feeling like I don't have enough hours in the day, I feel like I have so many. Who among us ever contemplates the fact that they might actually be bored? I hate that word. In fact, when my kids say they are bored, they know that it means they have to go fold a load of laundry. Don't get me wrong, there is always plenty to do at home when taking care of a family -- but with physical limitations, running errands, vacuuming and even doing laundry becomes difficult.

Some people would be relieved to have so much time. Some would happily sit in front of the TV for hours. Some would read book after book. Some would just spend more time on Facebook. I've never been one to watch TV or read during the day. I do enjoy being lazy once in awhile (who doesn't?), but for the most part I like to use my time wisely. I think one day of puzzles and computer games would be more than enough.

So what do I do with all of this time? After I get over feeling guilty (because if you know me, that's what I do) that I can't be helping Rob more while he has a heavy teaching load, can't volunteer in the kids' school, and can't take my dog for walks, I try to be productive. I use the computer -- I spend a lot of time indexing, updating forms for my church calling, and blogging. I have been cooking more, although getting out to buy ingredients now that my cart-pushers and grocery-haulers are in school is more difficult. I read Ensign articles and go visiting teaching. I call friends, mail letters to grandparents, and attend soccer games when I can. But the truth is, I still have so much time.

All those years I would've loved to have more time, to lead a simple life. And now I'm faced with the trial of having too much time. How ironic. I've had people suggest different things to do (my favorite is to help my kids' teachers with grading, cutting, etc...but no teacher has bit yet) such as learn a language, do family history, take a class online, organize my house, become crafty (ha!)...but I keep waiting for something to feel right. I've even gone so far as to pray about what I should do with all of this time. I feel like the answer is out there, I just haven't found it yet.

Here's to finding balance -- between having time to waste and feeling overwhelmed. Because I think that is where God would want us to be.